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Heather Mayer, MSF

Spiritual Direction and Writing

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Month: March 2018

Middle of the Pack

March 23, 2018 Heather

I should be paying bills. Or doing dishes. Or calling the church about my volunteer schedule. But I’m not, because opportunities to spill my brain’s overload into actual words on paper are happening…well let’s face it- it’s NOT happening right now. I was going to say like 5% of the time and that’s just a… Continue reading Middle of the Pack

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Well, it’s finally time to talk about what’s been going on behind the scenes over here. That beauty in the middle, my sister @hmjohnson1127 was shockingly diagnosed with a cancerous neuroendocrine tumor last Thursday. The day before Good Friday. A few days before Easter, and just a handful of days before her birthday. It’s utter and complete bullshit, and though she has an incredible team working for her (not to mention the angel of a surgeon who had the foresight to remove her appendix where they eventually discovered the tumor) it’s been a horrible reality to come to terms with. Some days we feels hopeful, and some days we’re furious, depressed, and listless. Hale is a damn cheetah, but she needs her village to gather around her more than ever. If you would please send all the light, love, prayers, and hope in her direction, it would mean the world to me. Thank you, friends. #fuckcancer
Let’s talk about invisible queerness. Last June when I decided to be open and up front about my fluid sexuality, that was a choice. I could have stayed invisible, happily married to my male-identifying partner of 20 years with our two kids and seemingly heterotypical life. (We’re still happily married. Actually happier than ever ❤️) But a few things stopped me from choosing that route and I’d love to talk about them.
Their scavenger hunt took them all the way to the shelf above the washer and dryer to find their baskets 😂 Happy Easter! If there is one thing I know, it’s that Christ lives. For all of my uncertainty about semantics and doctrine, there is deep knowing within me that brings goosebumps to my flesh when I receive God’s presence and brings overwhelming hope when I read the words of Jesus. Something mystical and good took place on the first Easter Sunday, and I cling to it. However you celebrate this day, whatever easy or complicated feelings you might have about it, know that you are chosen, that you are known, and that you are loved. Happy Easter! He is Risen, Indeed.
I don’t buy into substitutionary atonement anymore. I don’t believe that I am created by a violent God. That makes Easter weekend a little tricky. I don’t build up walls of self-depreciation and shame anymore in order to feel like I’ve done Good Friday correctly. And since I treasure my union with God every day- not just on Easter- I’m also not quite sure what to do about Sunday. But today is Saturday...the day that Jesus laid lifeless in the tomb while his loved ones mourned. I know a lifetime of Saturdays.
Spring Break was such a breath of fresh air! This was the most friend time our kids have had in over a year, getting to have Josie’s best friend and the Kinney boys all come with us to Sunriver. Vaccinations are making all the difference right now and I am so thankful for science, for fresh air, for friendships that stand the test of time, and for the laughter we heard all weekend. ❤️ We missed you @hkinney12 !
Running in Sunriver is a love hate relationship 😂 The elevation hurts so good!

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